How Understanding Interoception Changes Our Child's Behavior

As parents, we have been taught that the ultimate goal is children who follow rules, don't have tantrums and comply with social expectations. However, this traditional parenting approach doesn't address the more important goal of raising emotionally intelligent, self-aware, confident and resilient kids.

One often overlooked aspect of achieving this is understanding interoception, the ability to perceive and interpret internal bodily sensations.

Interoception plays a crucial role in how children develop emotional regulation, body awareness, and self-control which directly affects their behavior. By focusing on interoception rather than mere compliance, we can help our children grow into individuals who are more in tune with their needs and emotions.

So, What is Interoception?

Interoception is the sense that helps us perceive internal body states, like hunger, thirst, fatigue, or the need to go to the toilet. More than that, it informs us about emotions such as anxiety or excitement which manifest physically in the body. For instance, a racing heart can signal nervousness.

Children, just like adults, experience these internal signals but ,may not always understand or be able to articulate them. When a child throws a tantrum, seems restless, or appears "out of control," they may be reacting to these internal cues.

Without the ability to identify and regulate these sensations, behaviors can escalate.

Shifting Parenting Goals For REAL behavioral change  

When we parent with a compliance goal, our focus is on external behaviors. e.g  "sit still," "stop crying," or "share your toys." While these demands may achieve immediate results, they don't address the internal experiences that are driving our child's behavior.

A child may stop crying because they're told to, but without understanding why they were upset in the first place, they miss out on valuable learning opportunities.

Parenting that goes beyond compliance goals prioritizes our child’s ability to understand their emotions, needs, and bodily sensations. This allows them to make choices that align with their well-being rather than merely following directions. 

How Understanding Interoception Changes Our Child's Behavior

1. Fostering Emotional Regulation

When we understand interoception, we help our children recognize how their emotions and bodily sensations are connected. A child who feels anxious before school may notice their heart beating faster or their tummy churning. Rather than just instructing our child to “calm down,” we can help them identify these physical sensations as anxiety.

This approach teaches the child how to regulate their emotions rather than merely suppressing emotions to "comply." Over time, they’ll develop tools for self-regulation that extend far beyond childhood.

2. Promoting Body Awareness and Self-Advocacy

Understanding interoception encourages children to tune in to their bodily needs. Instead of relying on external cues like set meal or bedtimes, children learn to recognize their hunger, tiredness, or stress levels. This promotes self-awareness and autonomy which are essential for self-confidence.

For example, a child who knows they are tired will better understand their need for rest and be able to communicate that. This skill becomes especially valuable as children grow older and face more complex emotional or physical challenges. A child who knows how to advocate for their needs—whether it’s needing a break, food, or support—will feel more empowered and capable.

3. Shifting from Reactive to Proactive Parenting

Traditional parenting often involves reacting to unwanted behaviors. Our child throws a tantrum, and we react by setting a consequence or redirecting their behavior. By focusing on interoception, we can adopt a more proactive approach.

Instead of waiting for the meltdown to happen, we can tune into our child's internal cues and avoid it altogether. If a child seems irritable or restless, a parent can gently inquire, "Are you feeling tired? Is your body telling you that you need a break?" By encouraging children to reflect on their internal states we can help them develop self-awareness before behaviors escalate.

4. Cultivating Empathy and Compassion

When children are taught to tune into their own bodies and emotions, they also become more attuned to others. A child who understands that their own frustration often comes with a tight chest or clenched fists may recognize similar signs in others. This understanding fosters empathy, as the child can identify with how others might be feeling based on physical cues.

Parents who prioritize interoception in their parenting model this compassion as well. Rather than punishing a child for their behavior, parents can respond with empathy by saying, "I can see you're feeling overwhelmed. What is your body telling you right now?" This shifts the dynamic from punishment to problem-solving, reinforcing trust and emotional connection.

Practical Ways Parents Can Support Interoception

1. Name the Sensation: Help your child identify and name what they’re feeling. "It looks like your fists are clenched; are you feeling angry?" or "Your stomach is rumbling, do you think you're hungry?"

2. Encourage Reflection: After an emotional outburst or challenging behavior, talk to your child about what they felt physically during that time. This helps them connect their bodily sensations with their emotions and behaviors.

3. Model Interoception: Share your own interoceptive experiences with your child. For example, "I feel butterflies in my stomach because I'm nervous about my meeting. I think I’ll take a few deep breaths to help."

Raising Children Who Know Themselves

Understanding interoception changes the way we approach behavior and discipline. Instead of focusing solely on external compliance, it encourages us to help them develop an internal compass. When children learn to interpret and respond to their own bodily cues, they gain valuable skills in emotional regulation, self-awareness, and empathy.

Parenting with interoception in mind is about raising children who aren’t just compliant, but who are capable of navigating their world with insight, resilience, and self-compassion.

Isn’t that the ultimate goal of parenting?